Changes and Growth

I am changing the name of this blog to AIEPRO, which is the website of my school.

There comes a time when we morph into something new, to a better self. I have learned, throughout my one year and a half here in the Philippines, that we shouldn't take life too seriously, but also not to take life whimsically. We must have a good balance. It's a "yin yang." It's give and take. It's give and receive. It's karma.

AIEPRO for me has been a blessing. Through this project, I have seen the goodness in so many Filipinos, how they strive, and how they want to make a difference. On the other hand, I have seen how they don't want to make a difference at all. That's fine with me. I intend to help them see otherwise. I don't need to do it on a grand scale. I just have to remind myself everyday, one day at a time.

I had respect for different individuals before, but I learned it so much more here in the Philippines. It is sometimes hard to respect those who have different attitudes and values, and so I struggled here. But I am learning to adapt, to acculturate, and the battle continues. I remind myself everyday, that even if I cannot change other people's attitudes, I can change mine. That is all I have to worry about, for now.

And so, anyone can change. For better, or for worse. It's up to us to change our selves.

It's been a long time...

I've managed to survive the Philippines. Some people struggle with not having enough food to eat. Some struggle with the lack of good education. Some fight against corruption daily.

Here I was struggling with self-identity. I did not know if I belonged here. If I was a Filipino. If I was an American. If I was a Filipino-American. A year and a half later, I realized that we are all people, wherever we go. We have our own struggles; some just have it more difficult.

The things that used to bother me still bother me, but not to the extent that they would drive me crazy. I have learned to accept things that I cannot change and to continue fighting for things that really matter. I have learned to smile despite the hardship. I have learned to dignify people even more. I have learned that a fellow man, regardless of where he's from, is still a man.

When I first came here, most of my family and friends thought I was going crazy. They thought I've lost my mind.

They were right. I was crazy. And I did lose my mind. But I lost it when I got here. Then I found it again. I saw the horror, yet learned from them.

There are some things that are difficult to fathom here, but they can be surmountable. It starts from within. It starts in a change of attitude. I am continuing to change my attitude while I am here.

And I know that I am not writing specifics in this post, but I am glad that I came back to this blogging again to have a reflection so that I can see where I've been and where I am going.

Method to my Madness Revival

It's the new year, and it's time to plan things again. I've always been a new year's resolution fanatic. But most of my resolutions did not come to fruition. Perhaps a new year's resolutions are just like promises, which were made to be broken.

So far, I am achieving to resolutions. Quit smoking! Last cigarette was on January 1, 2 am. Go to the gym! It's been nine months. This week, I've been to the gym twice. It's a slow start, but hey, it's progress. In fact, I'm planning to go again tonight.

More resolutions. Be more patient. Be more understanding. Smile more. Sometimes, these things are very hard to do because of the country we live in. But I've learned, after having lived here for a little over a year now, that we just need to accept certain things we cannot change. Instead, we need to change ourselves, and then slowly change the people around us. So I have learned to love this country even more, but I have learned to hate it even more. There's an oxymoron for you! How can I possibly hate something more if I love it even more? Beats me. But I'm slowly discovering that myself. Thus, the title of this blog: Method to my Madness.

And through this blog, I will discover myself even more. But to discover is just half way. How do I change? How do I change the people around me? By writing things down, it's at least a start.

And with new year's resolutions, my blog is reborn. It is revived. The revival of my blog. To pour my thoughts and hopefully change the mindsets of people. It's a pretty lofty goal, but hey, I'm ready for it. I don't intend to change everyone's mindset. Just one at a time, that's all. Just one at a time.

Whatever Happened to my Perpetrators?

It's been several months now since I was mugged by some young thugs in Pasay, and I wonder what happened to my perpetrators. I called the police station several times wondering when I was going to appear in court for the trial. They just told me it was coming soon, that I should receive the letter of instructions (subpoena, I believe) in a few more days.

The letter never arrived. Perhaps it was stolen. Maybe not.

What probably happened is that the police officers took some bribe money from the "hold uppers" and released them without consulting with Ms. Justice. Oh well, I am in the Philippines after all.

Sometimes, I feel so guilty, so helpless, so confused, so bad about this situation. Why couldn't I do anything? After all, I am an educated person, and I have some money. But why did I not fight this? My friends advised me that it was going to be a dangerous battle. They told me to let this battle end, and fight another battle. True, I didn't want to get involved with the police. I didn't want to be in another dangerous situation.

I hope one day God will forgive me that I didn't fight this battle.

The Filipino and McDonalds

Am I an asshole? Am I asking for more than what I truly deserve? Some say I ask for way too much here in the Philippines. I should just shut up and accept what is and not to fight everything that the Philippines is not. And yes, sometimes, I do shut up. I do know how to pick my battles. I have learned this from one of my advisors in high school, Mr. Hendricks. He was also the one who told me to relax and not be so serious all the time.

Back to this thing of just desserts. Am I asking for too much here?

Just recently, I went to a McDonalds, the one near Greenbelt 2. I actually go there a lot, since it's near my condo, and when I'm lazy to cook, I just McDonald it. Yes, the fat, the grease, the salt. Can you feel the arteries clogging? Not a nice thought. Yuck. But on nights when you are just too damn lazy to fix a healthy meal for yourself, this is a great treat.

I'm probably one of their most frequent customers there. By now you are thinking, this guy must be really unhealthy. I actually eat a lot of chicken breasts and salads as well. I also go to the gym to burn all the calories. In fact, I love sports, and I play volleyball and basketball all the time. So, I think I'm pretty healthy. Sometimes, McDonalds is just so convenient. I actually prefer Burger King, because the burgers there are flame broiled, and the staff there is much nicer.

I digress.

I ordered a quarter pounder, and nicely requested from the cashier if they could put a small piece of lettuce in it. You see, I usually get a Big Mac, and it's got lots of shredded lettuce. This time, I wanted something different. I wanted a quarter pounder, but this quarter pounder has no lettuce. I thought maybe since they see me there all the time, they would grant my request of a lettuce leaf in my quarter pounder.

Obviously, they didn't want to put in a lettuce. The cashier confirmed with her manager, and NO, a big NO. Damn it. Just for a piece of lettuce. I didn't insist, though I guess I became an asshole at that time. What did I do?

I ordered my usual Big Mac. This time, though, I told the cashier to not put the lettuce in my Big Mac. Is there anything else, sir? Yes, I still want my quarter pounder. So I order a quarter pounder. But please put the lettuce, the one you're going to "hold" from my Big Mac, in the quarter pounder. The cashier confirmed with the manager. That was completely OK. No problem at all.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

When I saw my quarter pounder, I decided to change my order. Ms, I don't want the Big Mac anymore. Cancel that order. I just want the quarter pounder.

Voila!!! I got a quarter pounder with lettuce.

I would have paid for the lettuce, had she asked me for a charge from the beginning. In fact I pay eight pesos for barbecue and sweet and sour sauce all the time. I just got so upset, that after spending thousands of pesos there a month, they wouldn't grant me a piece of lettuce. If that makes me an asshole, then let it be. I felt good about it. I'm allowed to be a jerk once in a while, right?

Things Happen for a Reason

Yes, it's a cliche. It's used over and over again. But there is so much truth into it. It's timeless and universal. Even though I have just gone through a horrifying experience here in the Philippines, I know that I have to turn it into a positive spin. There are times when things just don't go the way you want them to, but the reason why things happen the way do will slowly reveal themselves to you slowly.

When unfortunate things happen, it is the way that a person handles them is the true measure of character. What kind of a person are you? Are you strong? Tough? Courageous? Hopeful? Hardworking? Motivated? Or do you die? Do you sink into oblivion? I've always handled negative forces in a way to strengthen my character. Yes, there is a time for grieving. But I will not dwell on that time. I will make use of my time, and make sure that I move forward and look forward to a greater future.

So on a positive note, my business venture here in the Philippines is slowly taking off. It is moving in the right direction, and I am helping people at the same time. It's very rewarding when my clients have come back to me and thank me for the help I have given them.

I am forever tied to the Philippines and the Filipino people; I now have a vested interest here more than I could ever imagine. I only hope that gives me more strength and courage to face the issues here in the Philippines. To stand up. To challenge. To change.

English Filipinized, Deconstructing English and Constructing Filipino

"Nabasa ko ang komento mo sa isang blog, yung tungkol sa liberalayzeysyon ng Filipino ispeling. Vizit ka sa www.2001revisyon.blogspot.com para maunawaan mo iyon. Ang kwestson ko lang, para sa iyo, alin ang katawa-tawa, ang weird na Filipino ispeling pero TAMA ang pronunsieysyon o perfekt na ispeling pero pilipit ang pagbigkas ng mga banyagang salita?"

My response:

I know I will get some flack for posting this picture, but I think it will help to illustrate my point. You see, I commented on one blog regarding Filipino and spelling. In this comment, I mentioned that we should try our very best to speak and spell either "proper Filipino/tagalog" or "proper English," and to avoid overuse of Taglish, Englog, Carabao English, Barok Tagalog, cono, blah blah blah or any form of vernacular language. I simply suggested that speaking the right usage of English and Tagalog will be more helpful in certain fields, especially now that we are facing globalization, increasingly.

The arguments to be made against the aforementioned statement is whether or not speaking "proper English" or "proper Tagalog" will help or not. (Note, I do not intend to define proper English or proper Tagalog, as that is another debate altogether). I am not arguing that we shouldn't use some English words and spell them as Filipino. I know that there are some English words that cannot literally be translated into Filipino. For example, I don't even know how to say "computer" in Filipino. I know it in Spanish, since I took three years of Spanish (computadora). But in Filipino. Computer? Is it Kampyuter? Kumpyoter? Kompyuter? I have no clue. This is the exception. I don't mind at all that we can take the spelling of Computer and "Filipinize" it to make it our own. Heck, every language borrows from another. 

But for words like People, the transformation into Pipol gives me the eevy jeevies. Makes my hair stand up. Why, because I know that there is a word in Filipino for People. Isn't it Tao? Mga Tao? Something like that. How about Picture? Isn't it Larawan in Filipino? Or Retrato in Ilocano. Foto en Espanol? Pipol, I mean People, please correct me if I'm wrong. I am in the learning process of understanding Tagalog. One day, I will learn it. One day, my friends will no longer laugh when I speak Filipino. Isang araw, hindi na sila tatawa. One day, they will not find my Filipino cute anymore. (Note, I separated the Filipino sentence and not made it Isang day, hindi na sila will laugh.) I would have been roasted by Taglish experts.

From the quote above is the newly spelled word kwestson. I believe that is question, if I am not mistaken. So here's a perfect example. I learned enough Filipino/Tagalog that there is a tagalog word for question. It's tanong. If we were to respell question into a Filipino one, will it be kwestson, kuwestyon, kwistyon, kuwistiyon; In this case, it will take me years, maybe even decades to learn it well.

I repeat, I don't mind new spellings, as long as there isn't a Filipino word for it. But if there is already a Filipino word for it, why do we re-spell it? Are we uneducated? Are we rebellious? Are we uninformed? Are we careless? Is it our way of saying, look, I'm not that smart, so I'm going to spell the best way I know how and i don't care if you don't understand it, because I do, and that's all that matters, so my way is the better way and I'm so smart for respelling it. 

Before this post gets so long, I will just close with remarks regarding the picture above. I am even more confused than the rabbit when I see English words being respelled into the so-called Filipino spelling. Is it whayt rabeet? The kendy? Or is it white rabbit, the candy? Note, I'm not as horny as that rabbit, looking to do whom or whatever; I'm just as confused, if not even more.

Perhaps I'm like the chicken; like someone just screwed me over when I see Filipinized things. Should I just accept? I probably won't accept now, because I'm still trying to learn about it; for now, the best thing to do is discuss, and try to understand why. There's that word again, why?

Maybe someone will explain to me, so I will no longer be the confused rabbit, or the screwed chicken. I digress again.

NOTE: I do not know what these words mean, but silly me, I commented on that quote anyway: pilipit, pagbigkas, banyagang. Help!

My Love (and Hate) Relationship with Filipinos and the Philippines

Okay, okay. Before you start spewing off and telling me all I do is whine, whine, whine about Filipinos, being Filipino, and the Philippines, it's time to write about my Pinoy Pride. Yes, I do find the Filipino Culture and the Philippines to be a very backward thing sometimes. With all the corruption, traffic, dirtiness, bad customer service, and I mean really bad, especially in Manila (in the province, it's much better). Yet, there are so many great things about being Filipino and awesome things about my beloved, country, the Philippines.

The Filipino is one of the most hardworking, if not the most hardworking in the world. I've seen it, with my grandparents, who all did their best planting rice, tomatoes, corn, and other veggies in the ricefields of Ilocos, so that they will one day, have enough money to bring us to the US. I've seen in my parents, despite their lack of education, provide for their five children. I've seen it in cousins, and friends, and family friends, in the news, in the media, wherever you go, Filipinos are there. Granted, the Filipinos in the US have yet to increase their presence in the professional world, they are toiling and sweating in hotels, tourism, restaurants, and other service industries.

The Filipino barangay is comforting. When I went back to my barrio/barangay 15 years later, people were quite welcoming. Everyone helped each other, and they knew each other. I could go down to the little tindahan or tiange, or sari sari store, and everyone knew each other. Whether they were gossiping or not, it was nice to see that there is a sense of community. They all talked to me, very friendly. Here in the US, we have lost that sense of community. You stay in your own home, and you mind your own business.

Yes, it's the friendly, hardworking Filipino that amazes me the most. I'm proud to be a Filipino. Yes, I'm Ilocano. But I prefer to say I'm Filipino. I'm Filipino. I'm not ashamed of being Ilocano or anything. I prefer to stay away from the "tribal mentality." So there, you see, I'm not just a whiner. There is indeed beauty in the Philippines, and in Filipinos.

Filipinos Lack Pride and Confidence?

Last night, I had a conversation with a realtor I may be working with in the Philippines. The topic of Filipino pride and confidence became a part of our conversation when she used the word "kindly," as in "kindly tell me when..."

I noticed that many Pinoys use this word. Kindly tell me. Kindly show me. Kindly give me. Kindly pass the. Kindly this. And kindly that. Heck, kindly everything and anything. See it can get annoying. Point is, I hear this all the time from Filipinos. So I decided to be blunt and asked her directly, "Why do Filipinos use this so much."

At first she said that it was her way of being respectful. She said that Filipinos use it often because they are a very respectful culture, and it's like saying "paki" as in "paki-usap". It's just like inserting the word "please" to a certain request or command. In American, we say, "would you please tell me, " or "could you please tell me..."

In the end, it came down to one point, Filipinos indeed lack a certain pride and confidence. They can't be bold enough to just say "hey, tell me when" or "give me the information." Instead, they bow their heads or NOT look a person in the eye when speaking. It's all about the "yes ma'am" "yes sir" "opo" "oho." Such a culture of many paradoxes. Paradox? They are so brave and bold in the People Power movements. Yet, when it comes to everyday life, so submissive. Even the Pinoys in the US; many of them are like this. Must be the upbringing.

The Filipino realtor said it's because the Philippines has been conquered by so many different other cultures: Spanish, Japanese, American. The Philippines always had to bow down to someone. Now the country is being infiltrated by so many other races: Chinese, Korean, Indian. I love the fact that it is becoming a diverse country. I'm all for diversity and respect for all human kinds. But with this diversity, it becomes harder and harder to define what or who is a Filipino. Chinese are Filipinos. They are called Chinoys, right? Someone correct me here if I'm wrong. I think there comes a time when things will be defined as "ethinically Filipino" and "naturalized Filipino."

Get this. You can see the lack of pride and confidence where ever you go. Go to Greenbelt 3. Havana. Non-Filipinos are worshiped by the Pinoys. Go to the province. You put a white guy there, and everyone washes his feet and kisses his ass. Okay, okay. Not everyone. But almost everyone.

Me, I will treat you not by the color of your skin, but by the content of your character. That's the Martin Luther King in me. It's all about treating someone not by their social status, the thickness of their pockets, the lightness of their skin, or the smell of their breath (though sometimes that can be a killer). Treat someone because of their humanity. The very fact that they are human being, they deserve just and fair treatment.